On line dating

February 28, 2009

 

My happily married friend Erica may be secretly living a single life vicariously through me.  Last night she began a search on her computer which started with ski clubs, progressed to social groups and deteriorated to dating sites. 

Her computer screen became inundated with photos and self profiles of playmates looking for companionship.

 It was hard to tell them apart because everyone’s description of themselves went something like this;

 

“ I love life and it loves me!  I’m intelligent, confident, talented, fun, creative, child like yet mature.  I stand for peace.  Strong yet sensitive, I possess just the right mix of wit and charm.  I have no needs, or short comings, lots of free time and no responsibility.  As a passionate romantic with a 007 flare for adventure, I am looking for the perfect gorgeous model who is independent yet needs me.  I want a woman who is sensitive, resilient, fun, rich, intelligent, fit and voluptuous with whom to share my amazing self.  (Please be aware that the camera has added ten maybe twenty pounds to the photo I have posted, and the tattoo is not as large as it appears.)”

 I think there should be a section where the ex girlfriend gets to write a description of the person in question.  That section might go something more like this;

 

“Life time member of the “Catch and Release Relationship Club”.   Emotionally unavailable and immature.  Gassy. Possessive, with a flare for drama and just the right mix of guilt and sociopathic tendencies.  Self centered, always right and never satisfied.  Good cook.  Great legs.”

 Both of the descriptions above could be accurate at any given time.  Never the less they are just masks.  Who are we really? 

 

About a year ago my friend Julie asked me what I desired in a life partner.  My answer at the time was, “I don’t want one.”  We talked about it anyway and she wrote up a list for me which another friend recently gave to me. It had stuff on it like romantic, spiritual, caring, respectful, honest, generous of heart, etc.   Yesterday when I added,  “Lets me into vulnerable places where she is without the protection of self love. Willing to take emotional risks because she trusts my intensions as her beloved.” , I realized that I am my own beloved.  Marianne Williamson once said that there is nothing missing from my relationship that I’m not bringing to it.  I believe that now more than ever.  Relating is always witnessing the self extended. 

 

Getting to know my beloved.  Rosalie